


Push

by nieliegen



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Lots of it tbh, M/M, Smut, Voyeurism, bottom!josh, dirty dirty sex, more smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:01:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22643017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nieliegen/pseuds/nieliegen
Summary: Tyler is always pushing Josh and Josh finally pushes back.*Based loosely on an interview which I spent far too long transcribing.
Relationships: Josh Dun/Original Male Character(s), Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph
Comments: 3
Kudos: 66





	Push

**Author's Note:**

> Had a blast writing this tbh. First fic in nine years. There's just lots of sex. Dirty sex.

Dasding Interview – February 26th, 2019

**Interviewer** : “Do you know what to do when the other band member is in a bad mood?”

 **Josh** : “I know that if I like, play a game with Tyler, he’ll be happy. Like if we play a card game or something or a video game or like get, you know, get people involved and like do something that’s like—"

 **Tyler** : “—there’s a clear winner”

 **Josh** : “—that’s competitive—”

 **Tyler** : “—clear winner at the end and it’s me. Then I’m better.”

 **Josh** : “then he likes to—" and Josh has never been as thankful for Tyler’s interrupting then he is at that moment because he is almost certain he was about to put his foot in it, was about to let Tyler win and say something that would have the entire fanbase exploding.

 **Tyler** : “Josh, really, all he needs is a few pokes in the belly, y’know and he’s back to normal.” Josh laughs and fights the urge to bite his lip or pull at it with his fingers. He is trying to be cool, trying to be collected under Tyler’s push.

 **Josh** : “then I just giggle and then I forget that—”

 **Tyler** : “So, it’s actually, when we’re both in a bad mood we’ll play a game like, ‘gimme that’ it’s called—” Josh almost can’t believe Tyler is giving this away, this game they actually do play and he knows everyone thinks they’re joking but they’re not. But he also can’t help but laugh and squeeze his eyes shut otherwise they will know it’s real. Josh is trying so hard to keep that flush he knows is making its way up his neck and onto his face.

 **Tyler** continues, “– and I’ll—and I’ll—and I’ll just grab at his belly—” Josh tries not to think too much about Tyler touching his belly and talking about this like it’s no big deal when it is so huge to him. Josh’s abs tense under the touch and he just keeps laughing because it stops him from doing anything else, anything worse. “—and be like gimme that—” Josh claps his hands and then falls back into the chair, his hands grabbing at the armrests and counting to three in his head. “—So then I’m playing a game where I win something and he’s getting poked in the belly and we just, like alright let’s go out and play the show.” Tyler holds his smirk back as he points to Josh, points to a _part_ of Josh he probably shouldn’t as he says the words ‘win something’ but he can’t help it. Can’t help how he loves to see Josh squirm just a bit during moments like these, pushing his bandmate a little bit further.

 **Josh** : “And I’m not in a bad mood anymore.” Tyler tries to say something, but his laughter gets in the way and Josh is thankful because he is not sure how much more he can take. The question is over though, the interviewer turns their attention back to the board and Josh has never been more interested in a scratchboard in his entire life.

||- //

The band stopped in Birmingham for the night after another wild show, another tiring and exhilarating show. Josh is back at the hotel, alone, after he gave some half-assed excuse for needing a better shower and to rest his muscles. Tyler and the crew went out for food and drinks to wind down from their own highs.

Josh was laying on his bed, towel loosely draped on his hips and water dripping onto the bedsheets. He feels nervous and excited and for a split-second, his finger hovers over the send button but then the text is gone into cyberspace: the address and his hotel room number.

Josh opens that app, the one he has used on many nights like tonight, always when he and Tyler are not sharing a room, but tonight is different. Josh scrolls through his matches and there is a clear theme: soft, brown hair and brown eyes, delicate features, great smile. They all have similar features to Tyler but if anyone asked, Josh just has a particular type, but it definitely is not Tyler.

Josh gets back to the top, his newest match was the opposite of the others with his blond hair and blue eyes and he is so much more muscular than Josh, more than what he typically goes for but that is what he needs. This has to be perfect and it has to work otherwise everything will change and not for the better.

 _Vrrrb_. Josh jumps slightly at the vibration and pulls the message up, “See u soon ;)” it reads, and it makes Josh blush a bit, the winky face is somewhat cheesy but this guy is hot, and Josh wants this so badly. He needs it; it has been so long since he has done this and he has been doing his own pushing—pushing everything down. He hasn’t even touched himself in weeks.

Josh stands up, discards his towel on the chair in the corner, letting the air hit every part of his body, and stretches until everything feels loose, arms high above his head and back arched slightly. He reaches into his bag and grabs a pair of shorts; he should have at least one thing on when this guy shows up.

Barely fifteen minutes pass before there is a loud rap at the door and Josh is quick, but definitely chill, when he answers the door—he has to make sure no one sees, that no one can warn Tyler.

The guy on the other side, who Josh is just gonna call Tall Blond for now, is very tall and his shirt is very tight, and he is _very_ _hot_. Josh invites him in and moves slightly to the side, enough for the man to enter and their chests brush as he enters Josh and Tyler’s room.

“Hey,” the guy says, smiling big and running a hand through his hair.

“Hey,” Josh replies, a bit shier, he is nervous and very aware that this man is staring at his chest and waist and shorts. Josh can feel his entire body flush under the gaze and he rubs the back of his neck. This part is always the worst—he is awkward trying to find the right words and the right start to everything that is about to happen. Tonight is different too.

“You a bit nervous?” Tall Blond asks, walking toward Josh and reaching out to touch his shoulders, slightly massaging and trying to get the smaller man to relax. “I know this can be awkward but it’s all good, everything stays between us and I’ll take care of you.” Tall Blond is so confident that it almost reminds Josh of Tyler but they are still so different. The confidence this man exudes is sexual and slightly predatory whereas Tyler has a more natural confidence. It makes the ball in Josh’s stomach tighten and his dick twitches as the man rubs down his arms and up his chest.

“S’okay, just I—like, no kissing on the lips, if that’s okay. And uh, this is a—I share the room with—and he, uh, he’ll be back—” Josh wills himself to speak and he is trying so hard, but his nerves and the touching is making his brain foggy.

“I can do that, there are many other places to kiss,” the man grins and continues, “everything else isn’t an issue. I won’t stop unless you tell me to.” Tall Blond leans down to give Josh the lightest kiss on the neck, breathing in Josh’s scent of soap and need.

Josh just nods because he doesn’t trust his voice; he leans into the taller man and let his head fall into his chest. Tall Blond explores every part of Josh’s chest and stomach, rubbing and pulling Josh closer and closer until there is no space between them.

Tall Blond is the first to make a serious move, hooking his thumbs under the waistband of Josh’s shorts and pulling them down, past Josh’s half-hard dick and letting them drop to the floor. Josh’s breath hitches in his throat, his whole body feels like it’s on fire and he needs everything. He can feel the other man smile into his hair and it encourages him, he lets out a small whimper and juts his hips forward.

The room feels like it has gotten at least ten-degrees warmer, and he knows it’s just him, but he can’t help but feel sweaty and sticky as this stranger grabs his dick and squeezes, pulling his hand up and down in a slow stroke.

“I brought something,” the man breaks the silence and he is only whispering but to Josh it is the loudest sound in the world and his stomach jumps with anticipation. He hadn’t expected anything extra. Tall Blond breaks away from Josh, leaving him to lean into the empty space, eyes hooded, and his cock jutted out from his body.

Josh tries to catch a glimpse of what the man is pulling from his bag but it’s small and all Josh sees is that it’s purple. Purple and small. Tall Blond turns around and holds the object up, Josh feels a breath push out of his mouth as his cock jolts when he sees it, that little purple ring and he knows exactly what it is.

“I thought it would make the night more interesting and keep you on edge until the moment I let you go.” The man is just standing by his bag, only a few feet from Josh, and Josh finds himself pulled to him, kicking off his shorts completely and following his dick to this man holding a damn _cockring_.

“Yes,” Josh pants as Tall Blond reaches out to slide it down his dick, slow and calculated and Josh already feels like he’s going to explode.

“Good, so good.” The taller man murmurs, giving a quick jerk before letting go. He reaches down to pull his shirt over his head and Josh can’t help but stare because he is so defined, so much more then himself. Tall Blond smirks and throws his shirt somewhere behind Josh before reaching out to grab Josh and bringing him as close as he can. Josh feels like he is losing control but it’s perfect, this is how it needs to be. He reaches down to Tall Blond’s pants and unbuckles his pants and pulls them down, kneeling as he goes all the way to the floor and helps the man out of each leg.

Once everything is gone, thrown somewhere and out of the way, Josh looks up from his spot on the ground. Face to dick and he can’t help but lick his lips. His eyes briefly glance up and the look on Tall Blond’s face is all the assurance he needs to lean forward and take the man in, sucking all the way until his nose is nestled in the dark patch of hair at the base. Josh breathes through his nose and pulls back, his tongue swirls around the head and licks directly up the slit and then flattens against the head.

Tall Blond groans and grabs Josh’s hair, pulling his curls hard and forcing him back down, all the way and Josh keeps going. Sucking and licking and breathing in the familiar smell of cock and saliva mixing. Hands push his head down again, further than before and Josh chokes but he swallows and loves the sound the man above him is making. Tall Blond’s hands let him up and Josh pulls off, a small string of salvia following his puffed-out lips.

“Stand,” the man commands and Josh isn’t even control of his own body anymore, he is up on his feet before he can even take a breath. Tall Blond leans down to bite and kiss Josh’s neck and this is what he loves, this is, other than kissing, his favourite thing but he can’t kiss this man, not tonight.

“Turn,” another command and it makes Josh desperate, makes his entire body shiver and he does as he is told. Tall Blond runs his hands from his shoulders to his back to his ass and he grabs, hard and it makes Josh’s head fall back and he pushes his ass into the touches. Josh is desperate to be touched and _fucked_ , he needs it.

Tall Blond gives one last pinch before grabbing Josh and pushing him against the wall, Josh can feel the coolness of the night from the window next to him and the last time he was this turned on was when he accidentally heard Tyler masturbating on the bus and it has been months since that happened.

Josh’s dick is squished between his stomach and the wall and he is so acutely aware of the ring sitting at the base, trapping everything in until Josh can no longer take it and begs for release. He already feels close but he is desperately trying to calm himself down and remind himself why he needs to wait.

“I am going to take you like this, gonna open you up and you need to stay standing, you are not allowed to fall.” Tall Blond’s breath is hot on his ear and Josh shudders with anticipation, this is so what he needs. Josh spreads his palms on the wall, reaching up as high as he can and thrusts his hips, his ass brushing Tall Blond’s dick and his own dick rubbing against the wall and it feels unbelievably good.

Josh waits, he can hear the familiar pop of a bottle and he is panting as he feels Tall Blond’s fingers reach between his legs, slowly circling his hole and massaging him until Josh feels his entire body relax. Not a second later he tenses as a finger enters him, it’s so good though, it’s warm and hard and he is so ready for more.

“More,” Josh whimpers out, trying to push back and back until he has everything but the man behind him pushes him against the wall, still slowing moving his single finger in and out.

Then there are two fingers inside him, spreading him and pushing and pushing until a third can fit. Josh’s nails scrape at the wall and his hands ball into fists, his dick is so hard it almost hurts, and his chest feels like it’s going to burst; he can feel everything all at once and it’s so overwhelming that it leaves him gasping for breath but he can’t stop.

“Ready?” Those fingers are still working, stretching him so good and Josh is so ready, he felt ready ages ago when he first opened the door, felt ready months ago as he lay in the darkness of his bunk, palming himself to Tyler’s soft moans.

“Yes,” he pants out, resisting the urge to push back but also wanting to be scolded, to be told no. Suddenly, he is empty, and he can feel Tall Blond’s hands moving, ripping open the condom and loading himself with lube and then there is lube dripping down Josh’s ass and he knows it is dripping to the floor, but he doesn’t _fucking_ care.

There is no warning, no words exchanged, just hands on his lower back and the man behind him pushing his dick all the way into Josh, one swift movement and then he is completely still, and Josh feels like he is suffocating but it is so _good_.

“Sorry, I’m sorry, I couldn’t, ah, I couldn’t help it.” Tall Blond mumbles into his shoulder, Josh doesn’t care because he is so full and so turned on he can’t focus, his eyes are blurry and pleasure is thrumming through his body, washing over him in waves.

“Please, _please_ , uh—” Josh’s voice sounds like it isn’t even in the same room as him and he really needs this man to move, to do something or he is literally going to die.

Tall Blond lets out a small laugh and pushes Josh again, uses his legs to kick Josh’s apart and pulls back and thrusts in with enough force to knock Josh’s face into the wall. Josh would care if he weren’t so caught up in how good this felt, how the cool wall rubbed against his dick and twisted that ball inside his stomach tighter and tighter. The man keeps going, his thrusts getting faster and harder and then he shifts, and Josh is so thankful for the ring that is holding him back because he knows he wouldn’t last—he couldn’t.

Josh is always thought of as the quiet one but if they knew, if anyone knew him like this—sweaty and pink and overcome with desire, they would know how loud he was, that he has such a hard time keeping it in and he doesn’t even try tonight. He lets everything out, every moan and whimper and he pants into the wall, his mouth falling open with each thrust out and a moan torn from his lips at each thrust in. Tall Blond is good, he knows what he’s doing, and Josh knows he has done this many times before and it should bother him but it just makes it better. Then he hits that spot, the one that Josh chases every time, the one that brings him down to a pile of nothing. Josh gasps and he is trying desperately to hold himself up but he can feel himself falling and he can’t stop it, his legs are weak and his knees start to buckle at the fifth time Tall Blond hits his prostate.

Thankfully, the taller man takes mercy on Josh and grabs his hips, grips him so tightly Josh knows there will be finger-shaped bruises there later, and holds him against the wall. It’s _almost_ everything Josh has wanted and his dick throbs painfully against the wall, dripping precum and begging for release but he knows it isn’t time—not yet.

||- //

Tyler is disappointed that Josh chose to stay in tonight, the show was electric, and he needed Josh to help him down from the high of it all. However, he understands how hard Josh works, how sore he is after every show and he couldn’t find it in him to argue.

As Tyler waits for the elevator to take him to their floor, he can’t help the excitement he feels at seeing his friend and officially winding down for the night. That familiar ding lets him know he has made it and he starts to pull the keycard from his pocket, Tyler’s hoping Josh got some fries or something because he is definitely hungry again.

Tyler pushes the card against the reader and pushes through once that green light flashes; he feels his phone vibrate and he reaches down to grab it from his pocket. It’s a text from Mark, “let us know if Josh has food ‘cause I am still starving.” Tyler chuckles and shakes his head, slipping his phone back in to his pocket.

The door is heavy and shuts much too loudly behind him and it feels like all the oxygen in the room disappears as he finally looks up and into his shared room. Tyler can’t move, his feet frozen and he inhales sharply. He should move, he should turn around, leave or run, get away, but his feet are glued to the floor. Josh is there and so is—so is someone else and while their backs are to Tyler he knows what’s happening, knows what that guy is doing to Josh. Tyler can hear Josh’s moans, can hear the slap of skin as the tall guy slams into Josh again and again and Tyler sucks in another breath.

They know he’s there, there is no way they did not hear the door but they don’t stop, they don’t look at him, they just keep going and Tyler feels his entire body blush. He can’t see Josh other than his arms and legs but he feels guilty for watching, knowing his friend is behind that tall, muscular guy, jerking and jutting back into him. It makes Tyler’s dick jump but he desperately tries to ignore it.

Tyler didn’t even know he was still holding the keycard until it slipped from his fingers and hit the floor, too light to make any sound but Tyler felt like he could have heard it from ten blocks away. He watches the way the muscles in the blond guy’s back contract with each thrust, can hear him whispering into Josh’s ear and Tyler doesn’t know what he is saying but he knows it’s about him. Josh lets out a low and loud moan and Tyler bites his lip and rubs his face. He should not be here and he definitely should not be watching but he doesn’t have control anymore. Tyler feels that he lost this control a long time ago and this is just the dam breaking with the water rushing through and knocking him down; it leaves him grasping for anything he can grab on to in order to anchor himself and keep from falling off the edge completely.

Then the tall man pulls them away from the wall, his hands gripping Josh’s thighs tightly, and spins them around and suddenly Tyler is face to face with his naked, flushed, best friend with another man balls deep inside him. Tyler knows his face is bright red, he can feel the sweat forming around his hairline and he really, _really_ should leave.

Josh opens his eyes though, stares right at Tyler and he knows he’s stuck, knows he can’t leave now. Josh never breaks contact as the man carries him toward the bed, briefly unsticking their bodies to throw Josh face down on the bed. Tyler knows his dick is starting to tent his pants but he doesn’t move, doesn’t break eye contact and he swallows hard.

The blond man doesn’t even acknowledge his presence, just moves to Josh and pushes back inside him without warning. Josh gasps, moans into the bed cover and they finally break eye contact. Tyler swallows again, because swallowing is good.

Josh’s back arches into the man on top of him, the sheets twisted under his hands and his mouth hanging open, tongue darting out to wet his lips with every other thrust. Tyler makes note of how absolutely undone Josh looks, how flushed his face is and how his brows are furrowed in a pleasure that Tyler is sure he has never known.

Tyler feels something shift inside him and he wants to go over and pull that guy off Josh and throw him out and _take_ Josh, take him how he should have ages ago. Instead, he just watches and wets his lips and gently palms himself through his jeans. He feels dirty but it’s involuntary at this point, he can’t help himself. Tyler lets out a little breath, on the verge of a moan and reality comes crashing down, he pulls his hand away from his dick and rubs his face again. When he looks back Josh is still there, still being _fucked_ and Tyler only half wishes they had separate rooms tonight.

Tyler watches as Josh’s head turns to face the wall, the man above him leans down as if Josh is telling him something and Tyler wishes he could hear it all. It doesn’t really matter since seconds later the man is pulling up and off Josh, twisting them around so he is sitting against the headboard and Josh is directly facing Tyler, his hard, leaking dick bouncing as he positions himself above the other man and slams himself down. The blond man is grabbing at Josh’s hips and guiding him with every movement, Josh’s head lolls back and his hands grip the other man’s hands as he bounces up and down on his dick.

Now Tyler really should leave because he can see everything, nothing more of Josh than he has ever seen before but it is so much different when Josh’s dick is hard and wet and his body is covered in sweat and sex. Tyler takes a couple steps and it seems to spur them on because now Josh is looking at him again, his eyes darker than normal and so intense that Tyler feels like his gaze is burning right through him. 

Tyler licks his lips again which makes Josh moan loud, and Tyler’s dick throbs at the sound, reminding him every second that it is there and it wants to do everything that man is doing to Josh. Tyler lets his eyes roam because at this point they are so far gone that it doesn’t even matter. They move down to Josh’s chest which is redder and wetter than it was at the show, his abs contracting under his skin each time he goes back up and then that damn ‘V’ that Tyler would never admit he has stared at more than once. Tyler’s lips feel extraordinarily dry and his heart is thumping in his chest so loud that he can hear it and he is almost certain _everyone_ in the hotel can hear it.

Tyler’s eyes follow that trail of hair down to Josh’s dick, hard and red and—and—Tyler sucks in a breath because there is a _fucking cockring_ on him and Tyler is pretty sure he is going to cum in his pants without even needing to touch his dick. Then Josh, stupid _fucking_ Josh, smiles and Tyler wants to die because he knows Josh was watching him, knows Josh saw him see the ring, knows Josh wanted him to see it.

“Please,” Josh whimpers and Tyler is really not going to last long in this condition. The tall man reaches around and grabs Josh’s dick, stroking once, twice and on the third he pulls the ring up and off. Tyler can’t—he has seen so much and he can’t see this. He finally finds his footing and he beelines for the bathroom, quicker than he has walked all day and then suddenly his back is against the door and Josh’s moaning is slightly muted but it’s still there and Tyler can still hear it, he knows Josh wants him to hear it.

Tyler reaches down and palms himself again, at this point, it’s all lost anyway, and he’s going to have a serious case of blue balls if he doesn’t take care of this. His knees buckle at the touch and his free arm shoots out to catch himself on the wall. The fabric feels great but Tyler needs more, he unbuttons his jeans with his one free hand and reaches inside to finally, finally touch himself. Skin to skin and it makes him see spots.

Then it happens, loud and desperate and full of need, Josh’s voice rings out “yes, yes, Tyler! Fuck, I—I’m—ungh—” And then Tyler cums and his entire body convulses with his orgasm and it is the best he has ever had. He can’t hold himself up anymore, his knees give out and he slides to the floor, dick still in his hand, his shirt and jeans definitely ruined and his chest rising and falling at an alarming rate.

Tyler inhales a deep breath and tries to calm himself down as much as he can, he knows he is entirely too worked up and he’s afraid that he’s going to do or say something that he will not be able to take back. There isn’t much noise coming from the other side of the door and for half a second, Tyler thinks it was all a dream but then he hears footsteps padding around the room.

“I’ll uh—give me a call next time you’re in town, if you know, it doesn’t work out.” It’s the tall man’s voice and Tyler gets why Josh went for him, deep voice, tall, blond, attractive, clearly experienced—basically everything that Tyler is not. It almost, almost makes his blood pump a bit harder and he feels that stupid feeling that appears every once in a while, like when someone touches Josh a bit too low on his back or laughs a bit too hard at his dumb jokes. Mark jokes that Tyler is jealous but Tyler swears it’s just that it makes Josh uncomfortable—and Mark knows he is full of shit but he never says anything and for that, Tyler is thankful.

Tyler has always thought of the teasing as just something they do, something that makes them Josh and Tyler and it was never supposed to be anything. He knows it’s all just fun and games and he thought Josh did too but it—maybe it meant more to Josh.

Maybe it means more to Tyler too.

“What the _fuck_ ,” Tyler whispers to himself, “ _what the fuck_?!” What is he supposed to do now? Him and his best friend are less than 15 feet apart, both covered in cum, sweaty and spent and Tyler knows he can’t keep himself locked in the bathroom for the rest of eternity. Well, maybe—no, no he can’t do that.

With what feels like the will of a thousand elephants, Tyler pulls himself up off the floor and slowly slides his feet until he is standing at the sink, his legs feel like they aren’t even there, like he is just floating above the ground. This is the first time he has seen himself since the end of their show and he really, super hopes he has not looked like this all night because he is sure there were photos taken when they were out for dinner. His face is flushed, hair stuck to his forehead, his pants are open with his dick hanging out and well, at least he knows for sure that wasn’t like that at dinner. A dry laugh slips out and he rubs a hand over his face, this whole situation is kind of unreal.

Tyler grabs a face cloth and runs it under cool water, soaking it completely before wringing it out and he rubs it roughly over his face, then down to his stomach and dick. He cleans up as much as he can but there is no way he can clean the spots on his jeans nor his shirt.

“Okay, you got this Joseph. You. Got. This.” He looks himself in the eyes and it makes him blush, he has to look away which just seems ridiculous because if he can’t even look himself in the eyes how is he ever supposed to look at Josh again?

Tyler’s ears perk up a bit as he hears their room door semi-slam shut, as if it’s his cue to finally emerge from the bathroom. But Tyler just stares at the bathroom door, willing himself to finally have x-ray vision so he can see if Josh left too. Probably not. It’s probably after midnight and he has nowhere else to go.

One, two, three, now! Tyler’s hand hesitates on the handle, the sensible side of his brain willing himself to open the damn door and face the music but it feels like an impossible task. Once he opens the door, once him and Josh face what just happened then everything changes. One way or another, it changes. Tyler isn’t sure he’s ready to cope with that right now, whether he’s ready to finally admit to himself what just happened between him and Josh was real and everything he felt was real. All those repressed feelings that date back far before their band was ever anything to anyone but them and their families.

It was always supposed to be them, Tyler thinks. It always was. Even when Nick and Chris were there, even when Mark was there—no matter who else was there, it was still always Tyler and Josh. Tyler pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath in; this realization isn’t new to him but realizing it under these circumstances is.

Tyler presses his face against the door, his hand still gripping the handle tightly and he breathes. In and out. He listens, desperate to hear Josh’s voice, to hear that everything is okay but all he hears is silence and for once, he wishes it were loud, he wishes the noises would deafen him. Instead, the silence is just deafening.

Without even meaning to, Tyler starts to recite familiar words. Words that seem more like a prayer now than they did when he originally wrote them. Soft and simple, “ _I said ‘don’t be afraid, we’re going home’_.” Maybe it’s egotistic to some but Tyler finds peace and solace in his writing, in the process of writing and the finished product. It’s his version of therapy and it mostly keeps the peace in his wind ravaged mind—especially in times like these, though, he’s sure he’s never been in this exact position before. The words are familiar and for what it’s worth, they give him courage.

Tyler finally twists the knob.

||- //

Josh is silently praying that Tyler won’t be mad—he didn’t look mad but Tyler is so good at hiding what he’s really feeling and Josh just slapped him in the face with an entire bag of naked bricks. He let Tyler see him completely undone and exposed and open and he did it on purpose; he had it planned for weeks. It went exactly as he pictured but the pit in his stomach feels so much worse than he imagined it would. It’s twisting like a knife and causing a dull ache that makes him wish he could rewind the entire night.

Then the bathroom door opens and Josh holds his breath, he waits for the noise, the slamming and anger. He pulls the sheets over his lower half to hide his shame and keeps his eyes trained on his super interesting thumbnail; he might cry if he looks directly at Tyler.

Footsteps echo as Tyler walks into the room and it sounds as loud as his cymbals during their shows. Josh keeps biting his lip and finally releases a small, shaky breath as he feels Tyler’s eyes on him. He feels so much more vulnerable now, covered and alone, than he did ten minutes ago on full display. It seems stupid, in fact, Josh knows it’s stupid to be shy now after everything he did but his courage is gone. His mind is clear and he is acutely aware of the tension in the air, it’s smothering him and he wonders if it’s smothering Tyler too.

“ _Josh_ ,” he flinches at his name but Tyler’s voice is quiet and soft, a mere whisper and Josh finally looks at his friend. Josh was definitely right because he can feel the sting of tears and he tries desperately to blink them back. Not as if it would matter, Tyler once told him he always knew when Josh was about to cry, he smelled differently right before and Tyler always _knew_.

“I’m so sorry,” Josh chokes out, everything leaving his body all at once and tears falling one after another. “I’m so sorry, Tyler, I don’t—” he feels like he’s losing his voice, like he’s losing everything all because he had to fucking push back.

But then Tyler is there, beside Josh, pulling him into his body and smoothing Josh’s hair down. Josh buries his face into Tyler’s neck and doesn’t even try to stop his tears, not that he could if he wanted anyway.

“Hey.” Tyler keeps stroking his hair; keeps him pulled in close and Josh can feel his chest vibrating as Tyler speaks. “Hey, it’s okay. Josh, it’s—everything is okay. It’s us, right? You and me?” Tyler straightens up and pulls away; he grabs Josh’s face with his hands and turns his head so their eyes meet again.

“It’s—it was all just stupid because I didn’t even—I mean, it was all _planned_ and I _knew_. I knew, Tyler.” Josh sucks a breath in and roughly wipes his face, cleaning the tears and snot and this is so not how he pictured it ending.

“I know,” Tyler’s voice is barely a whisper. “I knew, too.” Josh blinks through his watery eyes, searching Tyler’s for anything but he knows he doesn’t even need to look. Those words answer everything. They are everything.

Tyler knew.

“It was always us.” Josh whispers and his voice cracks and this is it, this is his vulnerability and his love and his desire exposed. Not his body, not anything else that happened. This is it.

“It _is_ always us.” Tyler corrects and then it happens, Tyler pulls their faces together and Josh’s entire body relaxes as their lips meet.

Tyler pushes eagerly into the kiss and Josh pushes back.


End file.
